Normal is nice

March 18, 2009

On the way to work this morning, I was blazing with anger. It is hardly the emotion you want to start the day with. Angry at injustice. Angry at people who disappoint. Angry that life is just one damn thing after another. Ranting at God at the ridiculousness of the last couple of weeks. Enough is enough. It’s starting to get seriously not funny. Starting? I meant it was starting to get pretty old about 2 years ago.

Anger is very tiring. Maybe it is resignation. Maybe it is growing up. Maybe it is a much needed change in perspective. But I’m starting to see that there are some things that are not worth the effort getting overly emotional about. It occurred to me some time ago that shit happens and when shit hits the fan, it falls on pious and pagan alike. I have learnt to stop asking why shit happens. It just does.

But if there is one thing I have learnt, it is that God can handle whatever ranting you can throw at Him. What is prayer if not simply a conversation with God? And who defines that conversation other than the people who are conversing together. The effective and fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. Don’t tell me that an angry conversation with God is not a fervent prayer. As I’ve learnt this weekend past, relationships break down when communication breaks down. When everyone is done talking and walk away. Fighting is still ok. It is the lack of will to fight anymore that is the problem. But maybe that’s just me because I’m a fighter.

It’s been a really long day but on the way back from work (and I only just got home – it is 1am), I sat in the back of the cab oddly contented and happy. I feel pretty good (in a state of my soul sense, not in an emotional sense) about how things are going. All things considered, I am at peace with the way I’ve lived the last 2-3 weeks. All aspects of it. Even the things that I have consciously given up or walked away from. It’s okay. It is well with my soul.

And today, I am thankful for the oddest things – company in the trenches (thanks for waiting!); hunger (I’ve had no appetite for the last 2 weeks); sleepiness (I haven’t slept well either even though I’m exhausted); a full day’s work (the joy of a productive day); the flu (at least my body knows how to calibrate itself and get back on track). It’s the first day in a couple of weeks where I’ve felt anything close to normal. Normal is nice.

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