Just one tiny motherfucker

December 1, 2008

“And so I sing out,
I sing out loud.
I’m just one tiny motherfucker singing proud.
Singing glory,
Glory,
Hallelujah.
Yeah, that’ll do.
Yeah, that’ll do.”

– “10, 000 motherfuckers”, Jason Mraz

Tomorrow, I will snap out of this ridiculous mood I’m in but for today, I’m emo. But as a matter of spiritual discipline (since I didn’t go to church today), I will say that I am thankful for friends this weekend.

So to the aggregated “you” – consolidated for privacy but each with a special place in my heart. Thank you for knowing just from looking at my text that I needed a friend. Thank you for your incredible patience with my craziness.  Thank you for allowing me to rant to you and know that the conversation would not be remembered tomorrow.  Thank you for making yourself available (as always). Thank you for being gracious, gentle and reassuringly affectionate.  Thank you for being there without needing to know what was wrong. Thank you for your mad theories that were amusingly distracting. Thank you for calling to check in (and again). Thank you for talking for hours. Thank you for the ice cream and the drinks. Thank you for responding to a self-indulgent Facebook status update. Thank you for sending me emo music.

Dear Lord, today I find it difficult to praise you because years of prayers from the depths of my heart that have gone unanswered but let it go on record that I still (almost stupidly) choose to trust in you in spite of what is before me. Today, the best I can say is that I am thankful for your blessing of friendship – even with the messiness of the relationships, with the fear of getting hurt, with drama and the mundane. It is a blessing that you have always been extravagantly and lavishly poured out to me and for that, I praise you.  The battle this year has been for my mind, my soul and now my heart.  You know where my allegiance lies.  AMEN.

Sometimes, it’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah. But Hallelujah still the same.

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