July 1, 2008

Once in a while, I wander off to Runner’s World and read Kristen Armstrong’s blog. I love her writing – the mixture of strength and vulnerability in it is very inspiring. A couple of weeks ago, she had an excellent post about throwing yourself a bone and about how “a surefire way to get picked on is to speak up, act out, try new things, make mistakes, say what you feel, risk, reach out, put it out there, have opinions, ask questions, be deliberate, be hasty, be vulnerable, be real.”

I can’t say how much that passage speaks to me. And if you can switch your emotions on and off like I can, it is so much easier to become callous and cynical. It’s the whole “f- this s-” attitude. I don’t need this. Steel over, harden up, shut down. It’s easier but on some level, it sits very uncomfortably with my soul.

I’ve been thinking about the person I am, the person God wants me to be and the person I’m becoming. At this point, the person God wants me to be seems like a faraway island and the person I’m becoming is being pushed further and further away by the winds and waves of life. Over the last couple of weeks/month, a dark cynical cloud has floated over my head and I do not like the blue-grey tinge that this damn cloud is casting over my soul. I also don’t like the fact that it doesn’t seem to be moving. Out damn cloud, out I say! (Apologies to Shakespeare).

Anyway, I have enough of this cloud and if the cloud won’t budge, I will. Cheryl blows a raspberry at cloud. Pfft! I’m not that kind of person. I know who I am and who God wants me to be. Go bug someone else.


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