Japanese women shy from dual mommy role

From The Washington Post:

“I have never met a Japanese man who did not want me to be his mommy.”

That is the reason, Takako Katayama says, that she has not married. At 37, she has carved out a comfortable life here in Tokyo, with her own apartment, a good job at a cable television network, and a network of family and friends.

She has not closed the door on marriage and children. When she meets girlfriends for dinner, they ask each other, “Where are the good guys?” But she refuses to settle for a man who works long hours, declines to share in child-rearing and sees marriage mainly as a way to acquire lifetime live-in help.

“I want a mature, equal-partner kind of marriage,” she said. “Anyway, there are complete lives without a baby.”

Therein lies a dismal prognosis for Japan and for many of the other prosperous nations of East Asia. In numbers that alarm their governments, Asian women are delaying marriage and postponing childbirth.

In Japan, the percentage of women who remain single into their 30s has more than doubled since 1980. The trend is similar in Taiwan, Singapore, South Korea, and the booming Chinese cities of Shanghai and Beijing.

…
Equally annoying, according to Katayama, is the rarely stated but almost universal expectation of Japanese men to be fed, clothed and picked up after. “I am willing to take care of and give comfort to a man whom I care about, but that does not mean I want to be his mother,” she said.

So my thought when reading this article was that like Katayama, I’m only happy to “look after / take care” of a guy who doesn’t actually need the looking after.  Then I realised that this value proposition doesn’t  actually make any logical sense -  Only willing to supply where there is no demand?  Somehow.

Argh!

Fuck.  I missed the deadline for the Stanchart. 

I am so annoyed with myself.

Found while spring cleaning: altar ministry

I am doing a HUGE spring cleaning – both literally and figuratively speaking.  Feels pretty good!  Anyway, I found a note I’d written to myself when I first started serving in Altar Ministry:

1. Memorize scripture more. I was reciting Psalm 27 and then halfway through clean forgot the words. Urg.
2. Always bring tissue.
3. Always pray like mad before. Seek God for His word in season for His people. Cover yourself in prayer.
4. Don’t get distracted. I made the mistake of doing the photography straight after. I was super exhausted afterwards.  Not just physically.
5. Close in prayer – for good rest; to leave behind the cares that you prayed for; for anointing.

The funny thing about Altar Ministry is that you seriously cannot fake it.  If you are not right with God, you can pretty much forget it.  That said, being nervous and unprepared doesn’t actually help either so this little list was written in part to circumvent the “nervous and unprepared” problem.  I am amused at the methodical way I approached it.  It’s almost like a cheat sheet!  But hey, it works and if you ever tried to pray for someone on the fly without actually being told what to pray for, you will know what I mean.

BTW, I also found other things that were not so amusing, like written prayers unanswered.  I still pray for the same things, although admittedly with far less enthusiasm.

Twitter is a democracy

From Wired:

“Is it cool for me to Twitter that I’m about to boff my girlfriend?

The knee-jerk response would be to castigate you for incivility both to your lady friend and your Twitter clan. Such risque tweets will likely skeeve out your girl and followers or make the latter envious. Neither action should be encouraged.

But then again, Twitter is a democracy – if users don’t like your tweets, they can vote with their PCs and drop your feeds. So on the off-chance your girlfriend is OK with having your coital calender go public, and you don’t mind losing a few Twitter pals, feel free to try this out. Mr Know-It-All is Mr Less-Is-More in this case and finds your exhibitionism sort of desperate and lame. But perhaps your Twitter crew is a more swinging bunch.”

Totally hilarious.  This is such a great response!   

(Many more thoughts on how social networking makes us rethink privacy and how we broadcast information etc. but I’m way too tired today.  Goodnight!)

A note

I love notes. I keep them in old shoeboxes. Sometimes still in the envelope in which they were sent. Sometimes with a photo or a dried flower petal or a crumpled gift wrapper. I’m sentimental as hell. I remember being in Melbourne, sitting on my bed with a shoebox of old notes on my lap. Reading the words written from miles away and feeling closer to the writer somehow. (It is probably obvious to everyone that I am an extremely literary person. Not that I write/speak well etc but that words – the nuancing, the structure of the sentence, the pauses, the intonation in the voice - are all very important to me.)

Someone passed me a note during a meeting tonight.  It was written on a scrap of paper with a blunt pencil.  “How are you?”  It would have been rude to talk so I just made a gesture with my left hand. So-so.  He wrote back. “Take it easy”. This time with a smiley face. Clumsily drawn. It was so funny and out of character that I had to smile. I thought the “conversation” ended there but a few minutes later, he turned the paper around and wrote “I heard about your tribulations and it made me sad.” Another clumsily drawn face. This time sad. With tears.  I smiled again. This time sad.

I wished I could have kept the piece of paper but it disappeared into his file.  So to remember, here is this blog post.  To remember that some people give a shit.  To remember that if you care, thinking happy thoughts is not enough.  Take the time to write it down.  To remember that the act of taking the trouble to write supercedes the words.  To remember that it is possible to be an older person, even a mentor and still retain that humility and honesty in your soul.  To remember that it is always worth the effort to care and to be kind.  To remember that God overflows in some people.  To remember that God cares. 

All very good reminders. 

Mad about english

You have to see “Mad About English”.  Seriously.  It’s funny, heart-warming and hopeful.  The characters are (for the most part) endearing and earnestly adorable.  A very profitable way to spend an hour or so.

The movie got me thinking about what it means to be an english-speaking Chinese.  Actually, english is the only language I speak and honestly, I don’t really see myself as Chinese so it’s all very baffling to me. But I loved their earnest desire to improve and to contribute back to society.  I loved their passion and drive. Facing your fears. Working for what you want. Caring enough to fight for it.  Investing. Risking.  I like!

I really need to do something about my mandarin (and spend some time in China)!

To soar on wings like eagles

 27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
       and complain, O Israel,
       “My way is hidden from the LORD;
       my cause is disregarded by my God”?

 28 Do you not know?
       Have you not heard?
       The LORD is the everlasting God,
       the Creator of the ends of the earth.
       He will not grow tired or weary,
       and his understanding no one can fathom.

 29 He gives strength to the weary
       and increases the power of the weak.

 30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
       and young men stumble and fall;

 31 but those who hope in the LORD
       will renew their strength.
       They will soar on wings like eagles;
       they will run and not grow weary,
       they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40: 27-31

I cannot adequately verbalise the frustration of feeling that like an eagle with a broken wing.  Let me correct that – a lost, homeless eagle alone with a broken wing.  It is an odd sort of identity crisis.  It is knowing exactly who you are and who you are supposed to be but somehow not really knowing where you are, how the hell you got there and not having the capacity (or whatever) to find your way home.  Freaking frustrating.

Fellowship of the unashamed

“I am a part of the fellowship of the Unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit Power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is secure. I am finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions, mundane talking, chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don’t have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by presence, learn by faith, love by
patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power.

My pace is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions few, my Guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, deterred, lured away, turned back, diluted, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won’t give up, back up, let up, or shut up until I’ve preached up, prayed up, paid up, stored up, and stayed up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I must go until He returns, give until I drop,
preach until all know, and work until He comes.

And when He comes to get His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My colors will be clear for “I am not ashamed of the Gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes..” (Romans 1:16)”

By Dr. Bob Moorehead

Adultery

A friend is taking part in a singing competition.

For the record, this going to be the only time I’ll say “great” when you say “I’m going with the adultery”. Ha!

30 things to do before you’re 30

I’ve been thinking about a bucket list, ie. a list of things to do before I kick the bucket. Okay, that’s probably a little melodramatic. Maybe just a list of things that I’ve always wanted to do. And the timing is perfect since I’ve just freed up a lot of my time! *ponders*

Anyway, till I figure out what my list of things to do looks like, here’s one from Cleo (with my random comments in italics).

30 things to do before you’re 30

1.Channel an old school movie and throw a drink in a man’s face. Why would I want to do that? I have flung chopsticks on the table and they ricocheted and hit him though. Not a proud moment.
2.Delete the words “like, random and totally” from your vocab. But why!?
3.Break someone’s heart; similarly, have your own broken. Been there, done that.
4.Divorce toxic friends. My middle name.
5.Drink a champagne cocktail in a Paris bar. No interest in France. I have drunk sangria in Spain. Does that count?
6.Master the art of choosing the perfect wine. I know nothing about wine. I should learn.
7.Confess that (present or past) crush on your best male friend. Have done that twice. First time, it was brilliant. Second time, a total disaster.
8.Drive a wickedly cool car, even if you have to rent it. Don’t care much about cars.
9.Use an alias for a day. That might be fun. What would I call myself? Something pretentiously oriental.
10.Visit a strip club. Raises eyebrow.
11.Have a favourite book which isn’t chick-lit. I don’t read much chick-lit so I think I’m okay. Actually, I don’t even read much fiction.
12.Quit a job, without having another one to go to. Okay. I’ve never done that.
13.Buy a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black-lace bra. Have bought all of the above at some point.
14.Learn who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally. I’m very clear about who I can trust and who I can’t. I’ll get back to you about the “taking it personally”.
15.Live by yourself (for at least six months). I lived on my own for years! I wish I had my own place.
16.Travel somewhere by yourself – a foreign country, another city or just a road trip to the country. Love traveling alone. Love the anonymity.
17.Forgive someone who wronged you; apologise to someone you’ve wronged. Apology is easy. Forgiveness, not so. I’ll get there.
18.Master cooking one impressive three-course meal. I’m a pretty decent cook. Have definitely cooked three-course meals. I don’t know if they were impressive but no one died of food poisoning so I think I’m alright.
19.Learn to change a tyre. Can’t do that. Do roller-blade wheels count?
20.Buy an original piece of art. How about flea market art. I also draw. Badly. Does that count?
21.Volunteer for a charity you care about. Done that. Exploring how to do that more.
22.Break-up with a man who you know is bad for you; similarly, have a fling with a man who you know is bad for you! I hate wasting my time in the relationship department.
23.Dine solo in a restaurant – no phone, book or notebook allowed. Have no problems dining alone. Although admittedly, I usually have a book.
24.Run a marathon. 2009 new year resolution.
25.Pay off your credit card(s)/HECS debt/car loan. Debt-free.
26.Spend a whole pay packet on a pair of shoes. No way.
27.Have a killer joke you tell perfectly ready to use for those awkward moments. Grinning with a cheeky wink usually works for me. Don’t think I need a joke.
28.Try something you always said you’d never do – whether it be sky-driving or eating escargot. See 29.
29.Learn how to stand up for yourself, rather than silently seething when you receive poor customer service or someone makes a snide remark. I can be a bitch. But always with a smile. Enough said.
30.Have a one-night stand (or more than one). No thanks.

So it turns out that I do pretty well on someone else’s “30 things to do before you’re 30″ list.

Now to dream up my own. *grin*